ya...sad =)

100 time i have say sori to her...but there is no limit time i have say i love you to her..not even 1 time i have done thing tat sorry to her..not even 1 lies i have say...is this me??argggg...flash back everything...only know tat wat i have done ..for this long...tolerate tolerate tolerate...SUAN SUAN SUAN....asking myself??do i have to do this??do i have to be suffer??y not i just go and have another gf...so many choiceshaiz...i just be the best for her...do the best..and think for her.....ya...iam not happy...having a gf..is like don have a gf....calling each other dear...the oni things tat prove we r couples...important??u feel left out so many time...1 years ++ we together...and i feel left out for so many time...mayb i say like this..my fren will say i think too much...tats y ..i duno i can share wit who...is like...once i not happy..the whole world will hate me and blame me...do everybody know how it feels???aiks...is pain..very pain....since 2009 i have change...nv cry le....not even once.....i learned one thing...put everything inside my heart..and nv release it out...i think tat is the best way for my life to continue....i know myself..i think alot...alot alot alot...impossible thing..i oso can think till possible..tats y i got alot of idea in everything...i have change..i know i will...feeel like..should i care about ppl??about my frens??my gf??do they reli care tat did i care for them or not???do ppl appreciate??do her??asking myself so many times...and i feel..my fren did..but not her...............stress..stess..lonely...sad...haiz...seldom meet wit her...i miss her..alot..i worry about her everyday.....as she say..she miss me alot like how much i miss her....but while we get a chance to meet..u throw me aside...u went to other ppl...how i feel??ya..left aside..like a thing being throw after use...herm...so many thing in heart..but not gonna tell everything here..it wont help...i have done my best to be a good boyfriend le ba..one more last thing i will try to do..ignore every thing tat she hurt me...not to care too much...stay forever wit my own lonely style...i duno y..even i will a hundred of girl together..she nv jealous...lol..weird??sometimes..i hope tat she angry me and jealous...i only feel how important am i =)....using this word 'SUAN SUAN SUAN'for so long..since when i change??since one word..'FAN' this word from her..and fren say tat iam ....i duno how to explain..but..i think..i don need understand from anybody anymore..i love my beloved fren..i love her...this will always remains in my heart..do wadever u like..i have no choice...wat i like...i cant get..bcuz if u don like it..i can nv do or buy...i respect u...fren say..did i respect too much??i feel like..'SUAN LE'..en...to my fren..hope u all wont tell tracy about this ba...she wont read my blog de...cuz..she nv wan too oso..nothing for her to see...she don need to know how i feel d...hope u all wont tell her...thx ah....